


I'll be Yours if You'll be Mine

by nazyalenskyism



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Engagement, F/M, Happy Ending, Marriage of Convenience, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Book 1: King of Scars, idiots to lovers, zoyalai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26274538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazyalenskyism/pseuds/nazyalenskyism
Summary: A political engagement, two idiots in love. They both think that the other will never be able to love them back. Just Zoya and Nikolai being Zoya and Nikolai. There will be multiple chapters! Any feedback is welcome, enjoy!
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov & Zoya Nazyalensky, Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Comments: 9
Kudos: 40





	1. The Most Logical Plan

**Author's Note:**

> A political engagement, two idiots in love. They both think that the other will never be able to love them back. Just Zoya and Nikolai being Zoya and Nikolai. There will be multiple chapters! Any feedback is welcome, enjoy!

“So, what now?” It was a completely logical question, Zoya thought, yet the amused yet slightly beleaguered look Nikolai shot her said otherwise. She was not in the mood. All her hard work had led to Nikolai finally getting engaged, getting to a place where he would create an heir and secure the throne. And then, the king had had the audacity to dissolve the engagement after he helped fake the untimely death of his “beloved fiancé.” Those had been his words, not hers, directly lifted from his tearful letter to the Shu Queen, whom they all knew was probably elated that her sister had managed to get herself killed a mere 2 months after getting engaged to Nikolai. The whole situation had been more ridiculous than one of those novels that Nikolai loved, and had infuriated her to no end. It didn’t matter that she had felt the knot in her chest loosen when Nikolai had let them all in on his plan to break off the engagement, when he’d told them that he’d never intended to go through with the wedding, that he had wanted to remain free for a while longer. That he’d wanted to remain free and by her side. He didn’t say that last part, but it was the smallest indulgence she’d allowed herself, to be able to think that was the true meaning behind his words. The fact of the matter was, no matter how much Zoya’s silly, foolish heart tried to convince her otherwise, Nikolai was still in need of a queen, of an heir to secure his throne. The Fjerdans were still planning on marching under the banner of the Lantsov pretender, with the backing of Magnus Opjer, who was claiming that he was Nikolai’s father. Zoya knew that she sounded stubborn and insistent, and well, she was both, but she was also just looking out for her king, as she always had. The Zoya who had destroyed Nikolai’s miniature of Magnus Opjer was the same Zoya who would see that Nikolai secured his lineage and forged alliances through marriage. Zoya would do this all, regardless of what her heart wanted, so that Ravka could be strong, so it’s people, it’s Grisha could be strong.

“Now?” Nikolai mused, fingers pressed to his temples, a gesture Zoya knew he used to express a fraction of his jumbled internal turmoil to those around him. “I suppose now we have to find a way to stop the impending wars brought to us by Fjerda and Shu Han. What else is there?”

“You still need to secure the throne,” Zoya bit out. “You decided to throw it all out the window.... so what now, Nikolai? How do you plan to protect your claim to the throne? You decided to kill, no, help your fiancé ride off into the sunset without you, so what were you planning to do after you ruined your best chance at marriage?” She didn’t restrain the notes of bitterness from her tone. She had become slightly more placid after her new amplifiers had locked into place, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still herself, there was only a certain level of idiocy she could handle, and Nikolai surpassed it every time he opened his mouth.

“I was planning on solving that problem when we got to it,” Nikolai said, allowing his voice to be interlaced with a thin layer of terseness, which reminded Zoya to watch herself. He may put on light tones, pretend to joke, but she knew that a lion lay dormant under her king’s easy demeanor, and that it would fight to kill should the need arise.

“Have you considered...” Genya started, trailing off as her eyes drifted from Zoya to Nikolai, lost in thought. “Many Grisha look to Ravka to be a sort of safe-haven, but are deterred from coming because they think they must pledge their lives to the Second Army. We want more soldiers, yes, but we also want to show them that if they do choose to make the journey here, they will be able to live as they choose. But we know life for Grisha beyond the Second Army is still hard... and...” Genya drew in a deep breath, exhaling sharply, as if she was gathering the courage to continue, “and maybe we could find a way to appease the Grisha, and change the prejudices of the non-Grisha of Ravka.”

“Very well said, Genya.” David nodded at his wife, squeezing her fingers lightly before turning his attention back to the large book in his lap. Tamar nodded sharply once, a spark in her eyes,

“I agree with Genya,” and with that Tolya nodded as well. Zoya’s brows pulled together in confusion, what were they talking about? They were all nodding at one another as if they were on the same page, and yet she had no idea what they were on about. She glanced quickly at Nikolai, only to see him looking slightly confused as well, his thumb brushing his lip in thought.

“Genya, I agree it is very important, but how do you suggest we go about this?”

Genya held Nikolai’s gaze, poised, shoulders back, as she simply stated, “find a Ravkan, Grisha bride, your highness.” 

Zoya froze. She had not anticipated _that_. Nikolai tilted his head to the side, considering her words before speaking again, “we already had one disastrous engagement, we cannot go through something like that again. How else are we meant to find this elusive bride?”

Genya shook her head slightly, the corners of her lips curling into a small smile, lighting up her already-radiant features, “I don’t think you have to look further beyond the palace walls, or even beyond this room.”

Zoya stilled, a breath caught in her chest. She finally understood what Genya meant now, why the rest of them looked so pleased with her suggestion. Genya intended for Nikolai to marry her. Zoya didn’t dare move her eyes from where they were focused on the map behind Tolya’s broad shoulders, she used every bit of self restraint she had to stop herself from glancing at the golden haired king beside her. She wanted so desperately to know what he truly thought, that part of her had never gone away, the one that longed to know if someone as bright and good as him could ever begin to love someone like her. But this was not about love, this was about Ravka, it always was. Their relationship as King and Commander could never be about anything else. Her fingers curled under the table, gripping her kefta as the moment between Genya’s last words and Nikolai’s next seemed to span an eon. Every horrible possibility of what Nikolai might say or do next ran through her mind at breakneck speed, and all she could do was watch in silent horror.

“You’re suggesting that I marry a high-ranking Grisha, who has already devoted her life in her country’s service? A woman who knows the intricacies of the court and is knowledgeable and passionate about her country to a level that is second only to the King? Do you have anyone in mind, Genya?” Nikolai’s voice was even, but Zoya could hear the insufferable teasing tone that had begun to creep into his voice, was he _enjoying_ this? She could practically see the twinkle she knew shone in his eyes, yet she refused to give any of them the satisfaction of seeing any emotion on her face. So she kept her eyes fixed on the same spot, above Tolya’s shoulder.

“I was thinking of Zoya, your highness. Half the palace thinks that you two might be... together already. She knows your secrets, how to rule, and if anything she’s overqualified for the position.”

“Nazyalensky?” She heard Nikolai turn towards her. For once, she had no idea what to do. The centuries of Juris’ experience were of no help in this situation. She could hear the rumble of the dragon’s laugh in her head, _‘well Zoya, if you’re looking to me for advice, you already know what I’d say. Ravka needs a Grisha queen, and so it seems, does your demon king.’_

Zoya felt her fingers curl into fists again under the table, her mind a mess. She had never let her wantings get this far, never allowed herself to imagine this as being possible. She knew that she would never be queen, and that imagining that she could be was a very dangerous game. Yet here she was, with her king, with Nikolai, who was looking to her asking her to weigh in on the situation, letting it be a possibility, if only she wanted it. She drew in a deep breath, tossing her hair over her shoulder, slipping into the demeanor of an imperious general. This was not a matter of the heart. This was for Ravka. For the Grisha, for her people. She knew what she had to do.

“What, Nikolai?” Zoya snapped, her head whipping over to pin her eyes onto him. “What do you want me to say?”

Nikolai didn’t blink, didn’t flinch.“What do you think?”

“What do I think?” She rolled her eyes, huffing out a breath. “I think it’s the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard of, and you are the most ridiculous person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting, seeing as how you’re considering this idea. You know the people cannot handle a Grisha queen. You know why they would never accept anyone less than a virtuous sun saint or a noble girl.” The words stung, she had known they would. They were the truth and the truth was cruel, yet there was nothing she could do to stifle the hurt. She set her shoulders back, ready to fight if she had to. She knew this was Nikolai’s specialty though, his charm had no limits, his words were his weapons, and this was a battlefield where he had the advantage. If she wasn't careful, if he truly thought this was the best path forward, she would stand no chance against him, but she was nothing if not resilient. She hadn’t anticipated just how quickly she would be shut down this time, however.

“Zoya, you know this is the best option, if not the only one. It’s as Genya said, it would show the Grisha that we are serious about protecting them, the non-Grisha that their prejudices are baseless, and our enemies that we are united, strong, and thinking about our future, one where Ravka wins this war, and emerges victorious and prosperous. What better way to show them all, than with a general, a Grisha as the queen?” Nikolai folded his hands in his lap, leaning back in his chair, “don’t tell me the prospect of marrying me is so bleak to you, it wounds me.” The mischievous glint returned to his eyes, and Zoya was reminded that this wasn’t a matter of the heart for him, either. He knew their potential marriage would be similar to the relationship they already shared, two people who leaned on one another, and depended upon each other to push their wretched country forward for another day. That was all they ever could be. Zoya knew she should refute, find another reason to reject this inane idea, but she could not lose Nikolai, not after her aunt, her teachers, her friends, her mentors, she couldn’t lose him too. If this was all they ever could be, then fine, it was not fair but neither was life, and they had both promised to do whatever they could for their country. She knew what he said was logical, and eventually, she knew that he would wear her down if she didn’t agree now.

She let in another deep breath, feeling as though she were about to jump into the water, with no idea of what was waiting below. She heard the dragon laugh, a pleased noise rolling through her head. This was it then, she wondered what Liliyana would say, if she had been able to see what Zoya was getting herself into. She wondered what young Zoya would say, at 10, at 15, at 19. But none of that mattered now. All that mattered was that this was the best thing for Ravka, the best way she could help Grisha. She would not make this decision for selfish reasons. She would do it because it was what was required of her. Only for that. For nothing else.

Nikolai cocked his head to the side, looking at her, a hint of concern hidden in his eyes, for only her to see. It vanished in a second, replaced with the easy arrogance he usually wore when joking with her.“Well, Zoya? What do you say, will you marry me? Make me the luckiest man on the planet?”

She let her eyes flit to Genya, who returned the glance with grave eyes, and a single nod, confirming Zoya’s innermost thoughts. She would fight over the logistics, even though she knew Nikolai wouldn’t object to her demands, she wanted some semblance of control with this situation. She would demand to remain head of the Second Army, remain a General. Then she would demand extravagant jewels, frivolous, ridiculous things, things Nikolai hated, just to be contrary. If he wanted this, she would make it anything but easy for him. She nodded once to herself, resolute in her decision. This was it. She turned to Nikolai, gazing at her with the intensity he always used when speaking to her, an iced smile playing on her lips.

“Well then, your highness, I accept. But first, I want to negotiate some terms.”


	2. Come be Lonely With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikolai and Zoya working out the logistics of their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part 2! The title for this work and the title for this chapter are both from 'This Side of Paradise' by Coyote Theory. As always, any feedback or comments would be lovely! Enjoy <3

Nikolai felt a jolt of surprise, though he would never show it. He hadn’t believed that she would agree, at least, not so quickly, he was extraordinarily charming after all. She had accepted, but he could see that there was something wrong, though his ruthless general would never admit it. Was it really so incomprehensible to her, the idea of marrying him? When Alina had said no, it had smarted, he’d thought there was no reason for her not to say yes, but with Zoya, he felt his chest tighten at these thoughts. The idea that she wouldn’t want him, couldn’t bring herself to even be by his side for this lifetime pained him, threw him off balance more than he would ever dare to admit. They were already a team, and if the idea of love frightened her so, wasn’t this the best option? A companionship with mutual respect, where he would not expect her to love him, where she could do more for their country, for their people? A partnership that strengthened the country, and showed everyone else exactly what they were capable of, with the strongest woman on the throne, Grisha powers or not? With any other woman, his arrogance would tell him that he could charm them into loving him, but with Zoya, he didn’t even want to try. He wanted to know if she could accept him, darkness and all. She did know all of his most monstrous parts, more than anyone other than himself at least.

They both knew this was the best choice moving forward, though Nikolai couldn’t help the slight voice in the back of his mind, reminding him that perhaps the decision wasn’t made with purely unselfish motives. He had finally figured it out, shortly before he helped Ehri escape, that he had somehow managed to fall in love with his closest confidant, the only person who truly knew him, his ruthless general, Zoya. It had been a startling revelation, jarring him for days, the worst part had been when Genya cornered him in his chambers one night, claiming she knew what was driving him mad, before they spent the night in front of the fire, drinking and talking about her. He’d always thought himself to be controlled, able to cut off emotional attachments the moment they no longer suited him, but with these newly-discovered feelings, he found that he didn’t even want to. He was in love with a woman he was sure would never, could never love him back, someone who he would have never been able to marry, until today. Until she had said yes to his wild plan. But despite her words, he could tell that she wasn’t fully onboard. He had asked everyone to leave them in the war room, leaving the two of them, next to each other, both hesitating to speak first.

He could feel Zoya’s vibrant eyes on him, waiting for him to make the first move. “So Commander, being Queen of Ravka isn’t enough? There’s more you need before fully accepting my most heartfelt proposal? Well, it is important to have standards Nazyalensky. Let’s hear it.”

Zoya rolled her eyes, but he noticed some of the tension slip from her shoulders. Good, they should both be candid but comfortable with each other moving forward. “I want to remain the head of the Second Army. I want to keep my titles as general and commander. I want to stay a member of the Triumvirate.” 

Nikolai nodded, these were all logical, predictable, what he had been expecting. “That’s it then? I expected so much, and I hope you know that I would never ask you to stop being any of those things. Agreeing to this simply means more public appearances, helping me convince stubborn old dukes, maybe kissing some orphans, and tolerating me for my lifetime. Oh and of course, having to wear matching crowns with me.” He let out a laugh at the arched brow she gave him, “I know, I know, it’s tacky but—”

“Speaking of tacky, let’s talk about the issue of your teal frock coats,” she said, stressing the fact she knew he had more than one. “If this is happening, you have to burn every last coat.”  


“What if I limit wearing them to once a week?”

“That’s too often. You can burn all but one.”

"What if I wear them once every six months?”

“Still too often. I can’t marry a man who wears that disgusting coat, king or not.”

“Can I wear my remaining coat on special occasions?”

At this, Zoya’s lips quirked upwards, “if the special occasion in mind is the wedding, _no_. You can wear it when you’re Sturmhond, and that’s it, final offer.”

Nikolai stroked his chin in mock contemplation, “If that’s the cost of marrying you, I suppose it’s the least I can do. Any other requests, Zoya dearest?” 

She paused, as if trying to find another frivolous request,“I want to redecorate your rooms. The Lantsovs before you had terrible taste.”

“That’s it?” Nikolai was a little surprised, he had expected to sit here for at least another hour, bantering with Zoya over silly requests, anything that would allow them to move past the initial awkwardness of the arrangement and return to their easy rhythm.

“Not quite,” Zoya said, her brows drawn together, a serious look passing over her face, “my last condition is another deal breaker, if you can’t guarantee this Nikolai, I won’t go through with this.”

Nikolai sat forward in his seat, attentive, what could she possibly want that could be another deal breaker? He’d assumed that wanting to keep her current positions would have been the most important condition to her. “Please, go on.” 

Drawing in a breath, she quietly said, “my final condition is that I’m allowed to bring up new terms whenever I please, and you have to listen to all of them.”

Nikolai let out a sharp laugh, “that’s it? You almost had me worried for a second, I’d love nothing more than to hear your voice for a while longer, Nazyalensky.” A sad smile was shot in his direction at this, but his general seemed lost in thought. As fun and insightful as this had been, he was sad to change the direction of the conversation. He was being truthful, he would have gladly listened to her talk all day, but unfortunately, there were other matters at hand. “Now,” he started, tenting his fingers, crossing his ankle onto his knee, and leaning towards her, “it’s time for _my_ conditions.” Zoya simply looked at him, clearly unsure of where this was going. “Firstly, I want to consult you on the major decisions before I finalize my stance on them, and I would like to expect the same in reverse.” He gently held up a hand as he saw Zoya begin to speak, “please let me finish,” he said, and when she registered how resolute he was being, she pursed her lips and nodded once, tightly. And so he continued, “I won’t ask you to share every secret from your past with me, and I hope you won’t expect that of me either. All I am saying is that, moving forward, we’re going to be partners in everything we do, and I don’t want any unnecessary secrets between us, especially not if it involves Ravka.”

“We’re on the same page then,” Zoya said quietly. “Is that really your only condition? I thought you would have at least a few more, what? No demanding that I have to try to charm a few nobles a week into standing behind us? No insisting that I write a ballad in your name every month?”

“Not quite, but I do have a few more ideas.”

“Fine then, let’s hear them.” 

“I’d like for us to have breakfast and dinner together, every day.” 

“Fine, but I will be stealing your herring.”

“Fair enough.”

“I’d like to be able to bring up new terms, whenever I please, and you have to listen to them.”

Zoya blinked, but instead of teasing him like he’d imagined, she somberly said, “of course.” He felt a little bubble of hope build in his chest at this. While he thought that they might not be able to love one another the way he’d truly wanted, it was obvious that they respected one another immensely, and would always stand side by side, the last three years had taught him that much. And if this was the only way they could stay alongside one another, then he was willing to do it. If this was the price then he was willing to pay it.

~

Another night, another walk through the castle gardens. It had been like this for years, ever since they’d fought the battle in the Fold. After the battle, her, Genya, David and the twins had accompanied Nikolai back to the capital, and on their first day back, she’d realized that she would never be able to sleep through a full night again. Every time she tried to sleep, her mind was plagued with thoughts of the friends she lost in the Fold, her aunt, the friends she’d seen slaughtered in the Little Palace at the hands of the man they had been foolish enough to trust. So this had been the solution. She walked around the castle grounds, through the Shu flower garden, over the Kerch water bridge, weaving her way through the Zemeni Jurda stocks, roaming through the high hedge maze, usually settling in the stone pavilion at the edge of the reflecting pool in the heart of the maze. This was the place she came to quiet the voices of all those she had lost, to let herself forget the many mistakes she had made. This was the only place she could hide from it all, forget it all, just for a moment. Tonight that’s all she needed, to just forget. 

What had she gotten herself into? What was she thinking? There was no way she could marry Nikolai. No way she could be queen. No way he could love her the way she’d come to love him. It had been a startling realization, that she didn’t just want to see if he could love her, but to see if he could love her _back_. She had repressed her feelings for so long, that finally confronting them had been one of the harder things she’d ever had to do. Only getting drunk with _Tolya_ of all people had helped. He supplied her with the perfect poetic verses to communicate her complicated feelings into words, and that first night of realization had hurt a little less when she was at his side, laughing at the antics of their friends. Tonight however, there was nothing to distract her from her spiraling thoughts, and so she simply sat on the stone steps, gazing out across the reflecting pool, commanding the wind to wrap around her, as tight as her aunt once had.

Nikolai felt the edges of the neatly trimmed hedges brush his fingers as he outstretched his hands, strolling through the hedges to the reflecting pond at its center. It had been a while since he’d made this walk, a while since he had felt like something was finally going right. He still saw some unnamed emotion in Zoya’s eyes, but he was sure they were on the same page. ‘We really must be on the same page,’ he thought, as emerged from the hedges to the edge of the pool. There she stood, wind whipping around her, lifting her hair like a halo, moonlight beaming down and illuminating the beautiful lines of her face. The elegant features he’d always tried to convince himself he was impervious to were alight in all their glory, her bright eyes upturned, searching the sky. He felt his mouth dry, his mind empty. He was always affected by Zoya, her personality, her mere presence was enough to make his head spin. But here, in the quiet of night, with none of her walls up, no distractions around, Nikolai felt his breath slip away from him. Logically it was a result of the winds she funneled towards herself, but it did not stop him from feeling like a foolish hero from one of his novels. A love-struck boy who saw the beauty of the world he’d been promised in the magic of the girl he longed to be with. It was silly, it was sentiment, something Zoya would chide him for, but he could not help it. Not here, in a situation that was designed to make him forget himself. He had to remember reality, that he could never truly have those things, but that he was on the precipice of the closest thing he could get to it. He shook his head, trying to focus on reason. Now that he was here, he could see that this was the best time to bring up his newest scheme. 

“Zoya,” he called politely, and immediately the winds ceased and Zoya snapped her head towards him, body coiling with anticipation.

“Oh, it’s just you,” she exhaled, sinking wearily back down onto the stones. She looked tired, a little sad, things he knew she’d always tried to hide from him. He tried to think what it meant that she didn’t in this moment. Was this her way of showing that once they were married, she was willing to show her this part of herself? Or did it simply mean that tonight, she was so exhausted from hiding that she slipped, allowing him to see this, but would never make that mistake again. He rather hoped it was neither, that her reasoning fell somewhere in between. Zoya was the most fascinating person he’d ever met, and deep down, he knew that she’d never run out of ways to surprise him, and that’s one of the things he loved most about their relationship. Despite how much easier it would make his daily life if Zoya was predictable, he was enchanted by her ability to always keep him on his toes, knowing he could trust her no matter what, but that he would always leave each encounter with her with his head spinning. “What do you want, Nikolai? It’s the middle of the night.” 

He sunk down on the step below hers, and turned up to look at her. “The list of my wants is very long, are you quite sure you’ll be able to endure sitting through my recitation of it?” This was rewarded with an eye roll, which he chose to interpret as a signal to keep going. “I wanted you to take a walk with me, Nazyalensky.”

“A walk?” She repeated warily, “can’t it wait until tomorrow?” 

“Why? Are you running off to meet your _other_ handsome, charming, brave, iridescent fiancé tonight?”

Zoya huffed out a breath as she stood up sharply, walking to the promenade around the lake, where the long tree branches arching over her head with their vibrant flowers and vines created a decorated canopy above her head. He jumped to his feet, dusting himself off before following her down the path, better now than never. Offering her his elbow he grinned slyly to himself when she took it with a hand, agreeing to go along with his chivalry. “Nikolai, what is this, really?”

“This is a walk, I’m sure you’re well acquainted with the concept of a walk.”

“Nikolai. You know what I mean. Answer my question.”

He sighed. “Straight to the point and ruthless as always.” They had reached the opposite end of the reflecting pool, and it was here that he chose to stop, carefully removing Zoya’s hands from his elbow and turning to face her, gently holding her hands in his. “I am not unromantic, Zoya dearest. I wanted to truthfully propose. An engagement that is something more than a plan put together in the war room while an audience watches on. Just us, before we have to flaunt it to the world.” 

She stared at him, a crease forming between her brows before she pulled her hands from his, swiftly turning her face to the water so that he could no longer read her face. When she turned back to him, he was not expecting to see the openness, a slightly crestfallen expression upon her face.  


~

“Nikolai, how do we go through with this? Everytime I think about it, I’m reminded of how silly the whole idea is. The whole purpose of you getting married was in part to secure more funds for Ravka, if you mar— if we go through with this, where will the money come from?”

“Nazyalensky, we’ve been over this. We received a handsome dowry from my engagement to Ehri, however brief it was. The Kerch have forgiven a large chunk of our debts, and the rest we’ll be able to pay off. Ravka, for once, is near good financial standing. This is not a question of what we need financially. Think about all the minds we could change, all that we could accomplish.” 

Zoya still had a few qualms, but hearing him patiently talk about ‘we,’ them, together as a team tugged at something inside of her. It was an unwelcome sensation, the beginnings of an emotion she really didn’t want to deal with tonight. But in the end, perhaps it was what spurred her to voice her next thought, “you always wanted to marry for love, Nikolai.” Maybe some part of her said this because she wanted to see… because she wanted him to admit to having secret, unexpressed feelings for her, the same feelings she had for him, but that ludicrous dream was dashed immediately. 

“Kings are not in the business of marrying for love,” he said firmly. She had known what his answer would be but why did it still sting to hear him confirm it? Zoya forced herself not to turn away at these words instead letting more worries slip out. “And what about me Nikolai? They’ll never give you up to a common girl, a witch who uses her abilities and beauty to bend your will.”  
A dark, slightly hurt look passed over Nikolai’s face, “that’s not true.”

“It doesn't matter that _we_ know that, it matters what they think. Nikolai…” she broke off. What was happening to her?

“Zoya,” he began softly, taking a tentative step towards her, and then another when he saw she wasn’t going to stop him. He brought his hands up to her shoulders, grounding her flying thoughts. “ Whatever it is, whatever issues you think we’ll have, we’ll push through them, like we always do. Come on Nazyalensky, what’s stopping you?” 

She lifted her face to the sky, the moonlight washing over her. She hated this. She hated how she hadn’t been able to keep a leash on these feelings, how she’d exposed her fears to Nikolai, how he was able to talk her down from them, make her want to forget the consequences. She hated everything about this. 

She heard a soft rustling, and then warmth encasing her hands, snapping her out of her thoughts. What on earth was he thinking? There he was, his gloves tucked neatly into his pocket, hands wrapped around hers, one knee on the ground, gazing up at her solemnly. “Nikolai, get up,” she hissed, tugging at his hands, “what the hell are you doing.” 

“I’m simply enjoying the view. You look especially ethereal in the moonlight, Zoya dear.” 

“Nikolai, get up,” she ordered again, but to no avail. This ridiculous man before her was about to embarrass them both. Well, just her, she doubted he would feel anything other than amusement if someone caught them here, in this position that left no questions as to what was about to happen. Damn him and his unflappable composure.

“Zoya, we’ve already discussed this all, why can’t you see that this is the way forward? I will spend every day onwards continuing to convince you, if that’s what it takes.” 

Zoya shook her head, trying to clear away whatever feelings were tugging at her mind. She had agreed to this. She would do it. She was anything but a coward and she was not about to start acting like one. Whatever came her way, she would deal with it. She always had. She would emerge victorious. Just as she always had. 

“You’re killing me Nazyalensky, with all this silence. Would this help you make up your mind?” And with that she saw him reach into his bottle green velvet coat, a colour that brought out the flecks of gold in his eyes. She would never tell him how handsome he looked that night, it would only boost his ego to unfathomable heights, but she knew she would remember this moment regardless, as he brought his hand out before her. She shot him a look she hoped conveyed, ‘hurry it up, i want to go to bed,’ and ‘this has been the strangest day of my life, let’s get it over with.’ A quick grin flashed over his face as he realized she was finally, fully on board, and with that he held out his palm, showing Zoya what rested there. 

“It’s not the Lantsov Emerald, but I figured you would have hated that anyway. This is a new little creation, I made with some help from David and Nadia.”

Winking up at her under the light was the most elegant piece of jewelry she had ever seen, sapphire interlocked with diamond, a stunning ring, worthy of a queen lay in Nikolai’s hand. It was something only she could have dreamt up for herself, he had known exactly what she imagined, and he’d made it a reality. Zoya felt a smile curl upon her face, despite herself. Oh, so this was one of the perks of being royal that Genya has cajoled her about. If this was where they were starting in terms of gifts, she could definitely get used to this. 

“I’m not sure if I’m more in awe of the ring or the fact that you’re down on your knees in front of someone else.”

He let out a chuckle, “it’s not just ‘someone else’, it’s you.” Even though he would never love her she appreciated the meaning behind the words, that she was apart from everyone else in his eyes, she knew him better than anyone else would.

She picked up the ring, watching it glimmer in the light. She slipped it onto her finger, watching the smile grow on Nikolai’s face, he was genuinely grinning. It fit perfectly. She supposed if anyone could perfectly guess ring sizes, it would be the idiot in front of her. Either that or Genya had told him. “Ah,” she sighed, “it fits, and it’s too pretty to go to waste, I suppose I’ll have to hold onto it then.”

“Ah, if that’s what you think is best, I can’t argue with you on that.”

She grinned, “I could get used to people kneeling before me.”

“As a future queen, I think you’ll find it happens more often than not.” In her heart she had known that there was no escaping this arrangement, and maybe that was why she displayed herself so readily to him. Nikolai rose up to his feet, that silly smile still plastered onto his face, he tipped his head back towards the palace, a silent invitation to walk with him. She signaled that she wanted an extra minute as she tried to collect herself. It was hard not to feel like today had been some fever-dream, that she was 19 and imagining the most outlandish future. But it had been real, though, when she felt his fingers brush hers, slowly intertwining their fingers, she had to shake herself again, just to prove that it was.


End file.
